The latest round of alcohol bullshit scaremongering has been launched by the Drinkaware “charity”. Well, they’re not what I’d call a real charity, as you won’t see collectors waving a tin in your face in the local shopping mall. Although I’d love to see them try it. No, their income comes from industry sources. Bizarrely some comes from brewers and even pubcos. The vast majority though-over £2 million-comes from alcohol killjoys The Portman Group. And yet Drinkaware claims “for the facts” as a motto. Yeah, right.
So what has Drinkaware got to teach us? It seems that they surveyed 2000 drinkers and discovered some amazing facts. Firstly, that people drink more when it’s warmer. Yes, 24% admitted to drinking more in the summer, compared to only 11% who drink more in the winter. Well knock me down with a feather and call me Daisy. Apparently it’s all down to wanting to sit outside in the sun and the fact that there are more social and sporting events in the summer. You live and learn, eh?
Shockingly 62% did not know that alcohol is a diuretic and even more shamefully, 18% of people do not keep track of their booze intake. What’s wrong with these people? Haven’t they heard of blogging? They save the best for last, though. Some 49% of people claim to have missed a key moment of their life because they were on (do they mean in?) the toilet at the time. And it’s alcohol’s fault. What puzzles me is how long these people were in (on) the toilet for? And what key moments did they miss? Was it their wedding, the birth of their firstborn or simply the milkman calling round?
And what do they conclude from all this? It’s obvious-that we should drink less and miss less. Hence the name of their new campaign. In response, I’m launching the Drink More, Don’t Be A Bore action plan. Coming to a billboard near you, shortly.