You wouldn't think it was possible but...

Fosters and Kronenbourg have just got even better. And it’s all down to widgets. They’re back. It’s official. I heard an advert promoting them this morning and a quick check in Asda confirmed their presence. In fact, they’ve been back for two weeks-where have I been to miss all the excitement?

Of course, they don’t actually want to call them widgets, as they’re old hat and everyone knows they are pants. Hence we have Fosters with in-can scuba, and Kronenbourg 1664 with Dynamo Systeme. The marketing team really excelled themselves with that brainstorming exercise. Apparently, there are fewer bubbles, and they are smaller, resulting in a smoother taste. I think that means even less taste. Which, if true, is some achievement considering the products in question. And the consumer will only be expected to pay an extra 50-80p per 4 pack for this privilege. A bargain! Seriously, I can see the numptys who buy these falling for this latest swiz. Only one thing puzzles me. You are reminded to serve these cans extra cold to get the full effect of the widgets. Surely lager drinkers put their cans in the fridge and serve them as cold as possible already? I’ve never met a lagerboy complaining his can was too cold and could it be warmed up please.

I was going to illustrate this article with a picture of the aforementioned products, but I think we already see too much of them. So just use your imagination.


Tandleman said…
Another sign of the decline in mass produced British lager. At a time when purse strings are tightening, this smacks of poor timing. At a time when people who do have money are trading up, this smacks of misreading the market.Will your average Joe Numpty buy this? I doubt it. Will your posh lager drinker buy it? I doubt it too, so who will pay this 80p premium for tired old brands?

S&N must know, but they are so good at what they do, they get themselves bought. Trust them on this?
mark said…
I think it depends how much they spend promoting this.I've just read its £12M.People who buy these products are mentally suspect anyway so advertising works wonders with them.They will probably buy it and think they are buying something cutting edge.Take your point about S&N though.
linda said…
Surely people who buy this rubbish do so because it's cheap? I can't see them paying out more just to boost S&N (or whoever's) profit line.
Mark said…
Are there really less bubbles or is it a con?
realcoolchris said…
I bought a 4 pack cos it was new when I saw it in the supermarket.

I quite like a can of Kronenbourg after a long drive around the M25 each evening.

This stuff is totally flavourless: ideal for those who like their beer cold, without discernable taste and very smooth.

Kids bascically.

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