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Manchester, United Kingdom
Tyson is a beer hound and cheese addict living in the beery metropolis paradise known as Manchester
If the people are buying tears, I'll be rich someday, Ma

Thursday, 10 July 2008

D Day For Davis

So it’s the big one today. As has been mentioned by many interested in these things, well known nutter Hamish Howitt is standing. It’s a little unfair on the other “fringe” candidates-Mad Cow Girl, Church of Militant Elvis etc. After all, what chance do they have when faced with someone who’s one nut shy of a dry roasted packet? I did email him suggesting he change his party’s name to “Freedom to kill anyone standing innocently next to me” but so far, no response.

There is only one serious candidate for me-Gemma Garrett. She’s representing The Miss Great Britain Party. As she is the reigning Miss Great Britain, it makes sense. Now I think I owe Miss Garratt an apology. I initially thought it was all a publicity stunt and that it was a made up party. Ok, I never got any further than the picture of her in a bikini, but it turns out they have proper policies and everything. Blimey. Who’d have thought it, eh? And as she has correctly pointed out, they are the only party fighting on a full manifesto, rather than a single issue.

And what a manifesto it is. Highlights include,
“Securing proper pay and frontline increments for British soldiers as well as rights to substantial guaranteed compensation in the event of injury or death."
"Ensuring that all necessarily incurred child care costs are fully tax deductible."
A better deal for home buyers by abolishing stamp duties for first time buyers and making family homes exempt from inheritance tax."
"A better deal for pensioners by indexing annual pension increases against the true rise in the cost of energy, food etc rather than using the RPI and by increasing tax allowances for women under the age of 65."
"Help motorists by capping increases in fuel duties against the rising price of oil”
And my favourite.
"A British Bank Holiday which encourages people to look fabulous for the day”

No wonder Mr D refuses to engage the lovely Gemma in debate-it would be hard to argue against any of those. But I know what you’re thinking. Tyson, have you left your Oxbridge Economics O Level Certificate in the cupboard? How on earth will they pay for all of this? Fear not, the best is yet to come. Unlike their rivals who miraculously promise more spending and simultaneous tax cuts, the MGBP have got it covered. They promise a 45% tax barrier for those earning over £100,000 and 50% for £200,000 earners.
In her own words, “By getting more beautiful women to Westminster we believe that we can re-engage voters and bring about the changes they really want to see.”

Go, Gemma, Go.
Today's trivia: Apparently GemmaGarratt.co.uk is a 16yr old schollgirl who's website has one of the highest rates of misdirected traffic on the internet.

3 comments:

Richardr said...

Problem is of course, Miss Great Britain doesn't come from Great Britain.

Knowing that, how can we take her seriously?

Tyson said...

Yes, that is a problem they need to resolve. Trouble is that Miss United Kingdon of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is a bit longwinded.

Anonymous said...

But do you have to be from Great Britain to be Miss Great Britain?