Boozing Bairns (Young Drunks Go For It)

Now I’m officially confused. For years we were told that Britain’s binge drinking culture was the main cause of anti-social problems. And the reason we have a binge drinking culture? Because we were out of step with our continental neighbours. They didn’t have the problems we did because they had a responsible attitude to God’s greatest gift. The French were held up as role models, as they allowed their children to grow up with alcohol-serve it at meals etc. This meant that they would be better equipped to handle it later in life.

The prohibitionist attitude of Britain was counterproductive, we were told. Everyone seemed to agree that we should strive to emulate the cafe bar approach to relaxed drinking that is common in Europe. Hence the move to liberalise licensing laws, the first step to change our pattern of alcohol abuse. However, it seems that has gone by the wayside. Latest government advice is no booze for the bairns at all. Apparently parents are confused about how much alcohol they can give their little ones. Explaining the decision, Alan Johnson, Minister of the Bleeding Obvious said “we know that parents want more information about the harms associated with drinking to help them make this decision.”

Now surely even the Burberry wearing, bling laden chav classes know when little Kylie has had enough. If they wet themselves whilst watching Big Brother, or spill Stella on their Pooh Bear pyjamas, it’s time for bed. But just in case, I think the government should get the kiddies to learn this

A sip of wine is fine
But don’t be thick. Vodka makes you sick.

Get the little blighters to repeat this over and over and everything will be fine.


Woolpack Dave said…
That is exactly what I've been saying for years. My mother ensured we all grew up understanding that drinking in moderation is good. I haven't grown up into somebody who can't go a day without a beer if I choose......if I CHOOSE I said.
You should be health minister

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