Sweet Child O' Mine

Now there’s a lot in the papers today about “Babygate”. This is the saga of Eastbourne lad, Alfie Patten who claims to have knocked teenage bike Chantelle Steadman up when he was only 12. I say claims, as two further potential daddies are claiming the credit. DNA tests are being demanded as the potential suspects could apparently number eight. It would be nice to think that this rush to own up was simply a case of taking responsibility for one’s actions. However, I suspect the lure of the wad of money that the Sun is waving and an appearance on Jeremy Kyle is nearer the mark.

There is much hand-wringing and speculation as to the causes of this tragedy. But to me it is obvious. As one of the fathers of the young procreators said, “There’s not a lot for young lads to do round here.” Exactly. Back in the 70’s we had the 3-day week, economic crisis and high unemployment-déjà vu I know, but there were plenty of pubs. Unlike today, where places such as the estates of Eastbourne are beer deserts.

In my day, a twelve old year didn’t have time to be bored. He’d pop down to the Nags Head for some Wilsons Best. Or round to the Brunswick, do his homework and then get tanked up on Samson-quickly and cheaply. There were no thoughts of knicker fumbling. Or if there were, there wasn’t any chance of any. Sadly the decimation of Britain’s pub stock has claimed its latest victim. How long will the government let this go on? Why isn’t UNICEF doing something? We need more traditional pubs and we need them now. For the sake of the kiddies.


Curmudgeon said…
Latest reports are that little Alfie wasn't the father after all, and it may have been down to the numerous other older lads who "slept" with the delicious Chantelle.
Tyson , you read my mind. What's needed is training pubs , with a condom machine I'm the junior gents. As fir Babygate, there's more to come on this story a la Katen Matthews style chancing.
Woolpack Dave said…
I have a son called Alfie as well and he’s and he’s 12. I doubt that either my son or Alfie Patten is able to produce anything with potency any greater than tattie water.

When you're hunting with a gun that's shooting blanks, it was somebody else who shot the poor deer. Why Alfies parents believe he’s the father I don’t know.
Anonymous said…
put them in the army
Larry said…
If they drank a gallon of Samson,they'd be incapable of getting into trouble.
Tyson said…

I think the rush to claim fathership may have something to do with the money making pontential. Apparently, several parents of the possible fathers have been contacting the media.


At that age they wouldn't even need a gallon. Always worked for me, anyway.
marie said…
If children drinking in public houses is your solution then I fear for the future.This is another example of the breakdown in family values we have witnessed under this government.Allowing children access to alcohol would only make things worse.I'm shocked you would even suggest it.

Popular posts from this blog

The Kimberley Club

British Guild Beer Writers Awards & Camden Brewery

Breakfast Beer Tasting: Suke Quto Coffee IPA