Curry And Soft Toilet Roll

If it’s Wednesday, then it must be Gourmet Banquet day. That’s what I was told anyway. Hence I found myself at Shimla Pinks ready to gorge myself senseless for less than a tenner. SP is located just off Deansgate, facing the magistrates' court. Handy if you fancy a decent curry before being sent down. Because the standard of gaol curry is lamentable. Only by insisting on Halal will you get anything approaching a decent ruby, but I digress.

The meal itself proved to be good with some decent Panchmeal Daal but, on balance, Zouk has the clear edge. They do offer to top up your selections, if needed. Which wasn’t in my case, as I was pacing myself. Man does not live by curry alone and I had to leave room for some beer afterwards.

I had warmed up with a couple of aperitifs. Caledonian Raspberry Fool in the Bank was sweet, with a surprising touch of caramel. George Wright Cheeky Pheasant was better in the Waterhouse and Black Sheep Golden Sheep was in good nick in the Rising Sun.

Post-meal was where the serious business began. No surprise to find Old Stockport on great form in the Castle and a very busy English Lounge delivered a decent Golden Pippin. More excellent Copper Dragon-IPA this time-at the Unicorn and again at the Crown & Kettle. Also tried there was Keltek Even Keel. This was quite interesting: an amber ale of only 3.4%, it had a firm body and a slightly fruity-malt finish.

Both Odd and Bar Fringe had Phoenix Hopsack on, with Odd delivering the better pint. It was here that we got down to discussing the big news story that the BBC seems to have missed: toilet rolls. Specifically that Asda’s Alloe vera range has gone from 2 ply to 3 ply. Which is good news, but it’s still lagging behind Tesco’s own brand. Tesco delivers 200 sheets per roll (124mm x 110mm) compared to Asda’s rather miserly 176.

Now the quality of toilet roll may not seem a big issue, but in the economic and political troubled times of today, it can be. Just ask the government workers of Riverside County, California. Two years ago, they were making do with one-ply rolls. But, after a series of complaints, all 340 government building were upgraded to two-ply. Cue contented backsides all round.

But in this cruel world of one-upmanship capitalism, it wasn’t long before inequality reared its ugly head. Word soon started getting round that elected officials and their ilk were being treated to Angel Soft 4-ply. Less than 100 people were getting preferential treatment, leaving the other 18400 scratching their, er, heads in wonderment. Cue some whisteblowing and a review is expected to recommend 2-ply across the board.

A victory for fairness, maybe, but wouldn’t it have been nice if everyone could have had Angel Soft 4-ply. After all, isn’t that what we all aspire to?


Paul Garrard said…
"Tesco delivers 200 sheets per roll (124mm x 110mm) compared to Asda’s rather miserly 176" - so true about many of their products.

Angel 4-ply sounds to me like petty bourgeois namby-pamby-ness. Bring back Izal medicated – guaranteed to sort the men from the boys so to speak!
rustyrambo said…
im a guy who truly loves a good vinderloo and 10 pints of cobra, although i earn my rewards and only have this once a month,my guts do deteriorate severly and so after an hour on the trotter i defo need 3 rolls of andrex. By the way guys, ive seen that toilet room before, is that from trainspotting ha.

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