Of course, Conservative Chairman Eric “Britain doesn’t really have any riot police” Pickles had ordered restraint on the booze front and actually imposed a champagne ban. However, trying to keep a bunch of old Etonians off the fizzy stuff is like trying to catch a fart with oven gloves-impossible. Future PM David Cameron was pictured flouting the ban and Philip Whittington was so keen on the stuff, he spent the nights in the cells after staff at the Midland Hotel alleged he helped himself to a £150 bottle's worth of it.
There were also some unexpected (or not?) recipients of the visitors spending spree. Paying no heed to po-faced, feminazi Harriet Harperson, the delegates were so keen on Long Legs that extra performers were laid on and at least one city centre brothel was working, er, flat out.
Meanwhile, local residents were thrilled to see Bury’s very own Robert Peel featured on last night’s Northern news programme. They were canvassing people about David Cameron’s closing speech and somehow managed to avoid interviewing one single chav. Thus we were treated to a strange montage of solicitors and businessmen all presumably treating themselves to a cheap Wetherspoons curry.
Of particular interest to eagle eyed viewers will have been the sight of local legend Joe Stalin in the background. Reading what looked suspiciously like the Morning Star. Uncle Joe was, despite his protestations, the popular choice for taking on disgraced MP David Cheater’s mantle. This was, of course, before the Labour hierarchy in their infinite wisdom decided to impose an all female shortlist on the local party. This controversial measure has proved hugely unpopular and condemned Labour not just to certain electoral defeat but a spanking of the highest order. Ah well, vous avez le cervau d'un sandwich au fromage, as my French teacher used to say.