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Manchester, United Kingdom
Tyson is a beer hound and cheese addict living in the beery metropolis paradise known as Manchester
If the people are buying tears, I'll be rich someday, Ma

Friday, 9 October 2009

David Cameron's Flying Circus

So the circus has packed up and is headed out of town. Yes, the Conservative conference in Manchester is over. A week of arguments, late nights and copious drinking has come to an end. And that was just me. The hotel trade did best out of it, closely followed by restaurants. Pubs didn’t do as well as they would have hoped, but although the Fourth Estate doesn’t quite knock it back like they used to, there were a few drams had in the Britons Protection and a jolly good knees up in the Pevril.

Of course, Conservative Chairman Eric “Britain doesn’t really have any riot police” Pickles had ordered restraint on the booze front and actually imposed a champagne ban. However, trying to keep a bunch of old Etonians off the fizzy stuff is like trying to catch a fart with oven gloves-impossible. Future PM David Cameron was pictured flouting the ban and Philip Whittington was so keen on the stuff, he spent the nights in the cells after staff at the Midland Hotel alleged he helped himself to a £150 bottle's worth of it.

There were also some unexpected (or not?) recipients of the visitors spending spree. Paying no heed to po-faced, feminazi Harriet Harperson, the delegates were so keen on Long Legs that extra performers were laid on and at least one city centre brothel was working, er, flat out.

Meanwhile, local residents were thrilled to see Bury’s very own Robert Peel featured on last night’s Northern news programme. They were canvassing people about David Cameron’s closing speech and somehow managed to avoid interviewing one single chav. Thus we were treated to a strange montage of solicitors and businessmen all presumably treating themselves to a cheap Wetherspoons curry.

Of particular interest to eagle eyed viewers will have been the sight of local legend Joe Stalin in the background. Reading what looked suspiciously like the Morning Star. Uncle Joe was, despite his protestations, the popular choice for taking on disgraced MP David Cheater’s mantle. This was, of course, before the Labour hierarchy in their infinite wisdom decided to impose an all female shortlist on the local party. This controversial measure has proved hugely unpopular and condemned Labour not just to certain electoral defeat but a spanking of the highest order. Ah well, vous avez le cervau d'un sandwich au fromage, as my French teacher used to say.

12 comments:

RedNev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RedNev said...

Someone I know (mot a friend) went to Manchester for the Tory rally and insisted on telling me about it in tedious detail. I don't know whether it was a futile attempt at conversion, but I ended up having to tell her that rallies of any party don't interest me, as they consist of soundbites for the evening news and motions from the faithful that the leadership ignore at will.

So I've suffered from Tory conference syndrome by proxy.

Tandleman said...

A little bird tells me you (Tyson) were sniffing around the better establishments hoping to give some Tory birds a right old seeing to.

In a non political way of course.

Tyson said...

Funny, I heard the same about you...

Tandleman said...

I wasn't in the better establishments - besides I was setting up a beer fest when the Tories were in town!

Biggles batman said...

Very funny.Uncle Joe isn't as daft as he looks.

Penny said...

Was I the only one to see through Cameron's impressive manipulation of the media and see his speech as rather poor? Clueless on Europe, and on the economy all we got was Thatcherite soundbites on spending. Combined with the proposed cut in inheritance tax, it seems a case of same old, same old.

Tyson said...

TM

Indeed, you were doing God's work-setting up a beer festival. Pity, though, as there was almost too much posh totty to know what to do with.

Penny
A leopard does not change its spots

Captain Jack said...

Cameron is a Billy Bullshitter like most politicians.He can,however,dress it up better tham most.

Tandleman said...

Posh Totty? Mmm.

Reanna said...

Did the Earth move for you then?

Tyson said...

Reanna

I don't kiss and tell.