The Fool On The Hill
The scene of this heinous act was Westfield Children’s Centre, in Pemberton, Wigan. Two-year old Jack Ormisher was about to tuck into a cheese sandwich that his mother had made for him, when the food police swooped.
Staff refused to allow Jack to eat his sandwich on the grounds that “it was not on its list of recommended foods.” Yes, they really do have a list of “recommended” foods. Recommended in this case meaning like it or lump it. They offered him fruit and vegetables instead. No wonder he burst into tears.
Who are these food Nazis who would crush the basic God given right of every Englishman to enjoy cheese when and where he wants?
A Cheese Nazi apologist said: “The centre has a list of recommended healthy food, according to national guidelines, which children are encouraged to eat. A cheese sandwich would not feature on the list.”
Laughingly she went on to say that no child would ever be denied food. How humane of them. Of course they’ve got it wrong, anyway. Their precious guidelines (and where have we heard this before?) are meaningless. Only recently it was proven that eating the recommended portion of veg and fruit is basically pointless. Cheese, on the other hand, has many healthy benefits.
Luckily the story has a happy ending. Jack has now been reunited with his cheese sandwiches at a nursery not run by crackpots and Stalinists. But let this be a warning to us all. We must keep ever vigilant lest our cheese eating rights be swept away.