They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!
Fair Play For Children (that’s them) want all adults to carry a swipe card which they would use when buying alcohol from shops or pubs. The theory being that if any kiddies are caught with booze, the purchase can be traced back to the cardholder. And on committing such an offence or indeed, any other alcohol related offence, your right to buy booze would be suspended.
Blimey, this idea has more holes in it than that piece of Emmental I found at the back of the fridge last night. Who’s going to pay for all this? Why should I have to carry yet another piece of ID around with me? What’s to stop under the counter purchases? What about when someone claims “Sorry, Your Honour, the little bastard pinched my card whilst I was distracted during EastEnders?”
Chief plonker Jan Cosgrove claimed that they had secured support for the idea from 36% of prospective parliamentary candidates. Of course you have; they will say anything to try and get your vote. They seemed quite keen on my idea of a national database of teetotallers.