They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

Just when you thought it was too late for April Fool...A bunch of nutters posing as a “children’s protection” group are pressing for an alcohol license to stop adults buying booze for kids. I was all for this-I think the little ankle-biters should buy their own, but no, it’s not as sensible as that.

Fair Play For Children (that’s them) want all adults to carry a swipe card which they would use when buying alcohol from shops or pubs. The theory being that if any kiddies are caught with booze, the purchase can be traced back to the cardholder. And on committing such an offence or indeed, any other alcohol related offence, your right to buy booze would be suspended.

Blimey, this idea has more holes in it than that piece of Emmental I found at the back of the fridge last night. Who’s going to pay for all this? Why should I have to carry yet another piece of ID around with me? What’s to stop under the counter purchases? What about when someone claims “Sorry, Your Honour, the little bastard pinched my card whilst I was distracted during EastEnders?”

Chief plonker Jan Cosgrove claimed that they had secured support for the idea from 36% of prospective parliamentary candidates. Of course you have; they will say anything to try and get your vote. They seemed quite keen on my idea of a national database of teetotallers.


Tandleman said…
As you say "nutters". In fact, fucking nutters.
Curmudgeon said…
If you buy real ale in the pub and pour it into a Panda Pops bottle before handing it on to the kiddies, they'll never be able to trace it ;-)
NAM said…
I don't see how the booze police make the connection between any given bottle of WKD and a specific card-holder. I might hazard a guess that this proposal hasn't been completely thought through.

@Curmudgeon: and I thought it was just tickers with the bottles. You have opened my eyes.
Cooking Lager said…
In Germany cigarette vending machines require the swiping of an ID card to operate.

The technology now exists to enforce compliance with an existing law, of not supplying booze to kids. It requires a unique number on each individual product to work. Not in and of itself sinister.

However what is to stop older brothers tearing the labels off booze giving to younger siblings?
Sid Boggle said…
@Mudgie: That would lead to street disorder between Da Kidz and tickers. I say disorder - I don't for one minute think a group of tickers could handle a couple of kids in a fight...

Why not just stamp a number of all our fucking foreheads. Nazis.
Eddie said…
The bloke running the shop at the end of my street doesn't give a shit about any of this - he's happy to sell 8 x 500ml white cider at 7.5% abv for £5 to absolutely anyone. Proper democratic he is. But if you look a bit young he does insist you use a little black plastic bag.
Paul Bailey said…
Glad to see there are still a few entrepeneurs about, Eddie.
Barry M said…
Cookie, the cigarette vending machines here in Germany require proof of age, and a bank card will do. Not sure how my age got onto my bank card, is it an ID card in disguise? I think Germans are required to carry some sort of ID on them. I don't have one other than my passport :)

But back to the topic, I agree with Tandleman: fucking nutters.
Penny said…
Absolutely frightening. What on Earth do these people hope to serioulsy accomplish? Driving us all to constantly look over our shoulders to see who is monitoring us is hardly a worthy goal.
Jan said…
Sid Boggle ... never call me a nazi to my face, unwise.

Eddie - that's who we want nailed.

Barry M - so you don't care if kids are supplied with booze?

Penny - we have no problem with people and their booze, just those who give it to kids.

Tyson: "A bunch of nutters posing as a “children’s protection” group". No, we campaign for kids' rights, Fair Play for Children. We don't 'pose', you wanker, we DO protect. Believe me, you don't want to know what we've heard from kids who weren't protected. Try a man of 40, f*cked up for life at what happened when he was 9. I get really irked by know-it-alls who prawn on about things they know nothing about and care even less.

Cheers everyone!
Curmudgeon said…
Ooh, do I hear the sound of a cage having been rattled?
Tyson said…
Thanks for stopping by. I don't doubt your motives are sincere. However, that doesn't address the many problems with you plan that people have pointed out.

"I get really irked by know-it-alls who prawn on about things they know nothing about and care even less."


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